Wednesday, October 26, 2011
When life gets too hard to stand . . kneel!
Sorry for not keeping my blog updated like I should, it has been pretty crazy around here. I have had to get myself in check!
I experienced postpartum depression after having Isabell and it took me awhile to realize what was going on, so not only was I a little worried after having Emma, I also knew to be careful and watch myself! My lack of emotion was my first clue to check myself! I was making excuses for others because I just couldn't understand things like why would they not want to come see our new baby? Why would they not call or send an email? Why do some not have time for us, for our kids? I am over it because I can't change ANYONE but I do know that I will NOT have any regrets, especially with my family!
My Grandfather passed away and we knew it was only a matter of time but that didn't make it easier, you can never prepare for something like that! I didn't rush home to say goodbye one last time because I had my chance to spend time with him when he knew I was there. He knew I loved him and I knew he loved me too! NO REGRETS! I continued to make excuses for others in that situation too . . why were they not there for our family? Why couldn' they take time to pick up the phone and call my Parents and Grandmother? Why weren't they there when they had the chance? I don't know and since I am not wonderwoman, I will stop trying to figure things out!
I had a baby 7 weeks ago! Someone who my heart ached for, someone I had prayed for and when she arrived, I was busy making sure my house was clean? WHAT? Now you will have to excuse the dishes in the sink and dust on the floor because time is precious! If you don't like it, feel free to pick up a broom and wash some dishes!!
My husband is AMAZING and I forgot about him for awhile. He was doing everything in his power to keep his mouth shut and not say anything because he knew I was on edge but when I started to notice the hurt in his eyes, I knew I had to do something before I ruined everything!
I had to stop myself, dead in my tracks and do what I was taught from a very young age PRAY! I asked God to heal my heart, to forgive, to let go of grudes, to realize that I am not perfect and never will be and to show me how to love what he has given me!
Please be patient with me, God isn't finished working yet!