Sunday, February 24, 2013

Sometimes it's hard to remember!

Some things in life are hard for me to remember.  Does it seem like 5 years ago we were married?  Does it seem like 3 years ago he came home from Iraq?  Does it seem possible that I have 2 children?  Some of those things I have to break out my journal or pictures to remember specifics about things.  I keep calendars from previous years because I don't want to forget things.  So today . . . this is what I remember!
Christopher's last ultrasound appointment he attended before leaving on his extended "vacation"
Our last minute maternity photo's before he left!
The hardest day of my life!
1st day home with Isabell!
Wrapping her in Daddy's uniform!
Waiting and waiting and WAITING as he was almost the last one to get off the bus!
Wrapping my arms around the love of my life!
Introducing them face to face for the first time!
Watching him fall deeper in love with someone who he had never met!
A bond that will NEVER be broken!
Kisses from Daddy
Our amazing support system
Meeting the famous Ladybug
Our first family photo
Finally home
First bath
Being silly
Watching them cuddle melted my heart
and here we are . . . 3 years later!
3 years ago my life changed in ways that are still hard for me to explain.  The man that my heart ached for, the man that created life with me, the man that loved me unconditionally was coming home from Iraq and mentally, I was not ready.  I didn't prepare myself mentally to share my daughter.  I was the one that made it work.  I was the one that knew what her cries meant.  I was the one that fed her and knew how she slept.  I had to teach someone AND share her?  NO WAY!  I should have prepared, I should have let others help when they offered but I was afraid to miss something.  I was responsible for everything and to just let this man who I thought knew nothing come home and make a mess of our lives was life changing for me.  Was I selfish?  ABSOLUTELY!  I was doing this for months and of course I knew best!  It took a lot of tears, a lot of sleepless nights and medication before I was ok.  In my eyes, the man I was sleeping next to was a stranger and I was scared to death.  Did he come home a changed man?  Of course!  He came home to a hormonal wife, new baby, rearranged house and new job. We had to play catch up and communicate.  He had NO idea what I was experiencing for the first few months because I put on that cape and was strong for him, for us!  That was MY job!  I was broken and it was NOT ok.  I had to fix myself before my marriage fell apart because I was being heartless among many other things. 
Here we are 3 years later, 2 babies, 1 dog and a medication free Mamma!  It's ok to be broken.  I have been there. 
Don't blink!


Amanda Schrieber said...

We all have been there! I appreciate you sharing your open heart and vulnerability...I think that's when people are able to connect to others words and experiences the most. Because, in one way or another, we are all it helps to know we are not alone. We are all a work in progress! And the minute we think we have it "all together," should be a frightening one. God is always working on us (Phil 1:6) and when we give into it and let Him, it's for the better! You have a beautiful family! I'm glad to see you are doing well!

Suzie said...

OH my goodness your post was so powerful. What an amazing journey you've been through the picture of him meeting his little girl was so ...I'm not kidding I need a tissue now.