Whhhhheeeeeewwwww!

School just ended for the year

The weather hasn't been the greatest for the past few days

Mommy is "off" due to dates of the month ;-)

Daddy has been working with no days off

Girls allergies are acting up

SOOOO . . . . . 

It was time to get out of the house, rain or not!

 

We met one of my girlfriends and her kids and watched Rio 2.  The kids seemed to be entertained and liked the movie but mine became restless as nap time hit RIGHT before the movie ended.  After the movie, we took the kids to celebrate National Cookie Day by getting a miniature Nestle Toll House Cookie of course!  Then they ran around the outside mall for awhile and burned off some sugar and were EXCELLENT forms of birth control for all the couples walking around too ;-)

Once we got home, they weren't ready to go inside, despite the temperature dropping drastically!  They were SOAKING wet but were having a blast dancing in the rain!

We came inside, took a bath, read a book and it was BEDTIME!  It was just one of those days here but we laughed and everyone besides myself is currently snoring!

My 35th!

I woke up feeling 20 and had a great day!  Wore the same jeans I wore in high school (my Grandpas favorite Sunday style jeans, full of holes) and spent the day hanging out with my babies!  Had a nice dinner and now relaxing and feeling blessed and loved!  Thank you to everyone who took time out of the day to send me some love!

Brick Wall?

Today was the kind of day where at times, I wanted to bang my head against a brick wall!  The girls woke up mad at the world and had broken ears all day!  Hair was pulled and toys were thrown against walls (the girls, not me)  I insisted that both take some quiet time and that turned into a SCREAMING FEST so instead of pulling my own hair out, I locked myself in my room and prayed!  I prayed for patience and a peaceful heart and reminded myself that "this too shall pass" about a million times!  I came out and they were reading a book TOGETHER!  The rest of the day wasn't AS bad but after baths it was time for bed!!!  Chris got home and one girl was on his lap while the other was on mine.  We talked about not being good for Mommy today and then they both fell asleep in our arms!  Neither of us could put them in bed right away, we sat and looked at each other and watched them sleep.  It was just one day, one day that I won't remember being upset because it really wasn't that big of a deal...things could have been MUCH worse so tonight I am thankful for these bad days to remind me that life isn't always butterflies and rainbows.  They won't be good all the time, they are young and we are ALL learning everyday.

Nerves!

For the first time in a months, I packed up the girls and prayed then we hit the road.  I haven't been to my parents in awhile because I have been too nervous to drive that far on my own.  Since our friend was killed a few months ago, I have found myself praying a lot and trying my best to have faith but just couldn't do it until now.  We were 10 miles from my parents, traveling 50-55 miles per hour and the truck quit running.  I put it into neutral and coasted to the side of the road and the tears began to flow.  I had to keep it together because I had to call for help and knew Chris would freak out if he answered the phone to me crying.  I called him and told him the truck wouldn't run and asked him to call my parents while I called roadside for help.  I pulled it together, made the call and waited a few minutes while entertaining the 2 happy girls in the backseat that needed to go potty and were very excited to get to Nana and Papa's.  

 As the tow truck driver loaded up "Big Red" I sat next to my Dad and lost it!  I was thankful that we weren't on a busy highway where we could have caused an accident but my mind was going crazy thinking about what could be wrong with "Big Red"  The mechanic fixed her up and she is back on the road.  I feel like I can breathe now and looking forward to our next trip "home"

15.5 inches!

I needed something new done with my hair so...I donated 15.5 inches to Locks of Love and feel so much lighter!  It will take awhile to adjust to having really short hair again, but it's just hair!

Lessons Learned!

Been a few emotional days here for me..I prayed about walking away from something I had dedicated my life to for awhile and made the decision to leave and it was NOT an easy task but knew it had to be done.  The people I was surrounding myself with made some very selfish decisions a few months ago and I just couldn't get past it.  While I know I am not perfect and will never claim to be, I couldn't associate myself anymore.  It turned bad and many people turned on me and said some pretty horrible things to me and about me but instead of lashing out and playing the game, I prayed.  I prayed for peace and that God would wrap his hands around my mouth!

We had another situation that involved a very close friend and had to walk away from him also and THAT was also hard but again, something we knew we had  to do! 

While I sat here today, thinking too much and a little upset over things that were said, someone knocked on my door!  My girlfriend sent flowers and a note that changed EVERYTHING!  It doesn't matter anymore what people say about me because if those who are listening, believe them then they weren't true friends to begin with!  Just another lesson in life to be cautious of who I surround myself with and to always listen to my heart..NO MATTER WHAT!

Only 1 person!

I am only 1 person, there is only so much I can accomplish in a 24 hour day!  This past week my phone has been ringing ALL DAY, receiving text messages and emails ALL DAY and I broke for a moment...I am mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted!  I have talked many hours with my husband and have prayed and now, I am still exhausted BUT know that people reach out because they need me, they trust me to help them and guide them.  I don't have a college certificate that allows me to do this full time with a paycheck but maybe this is what God wants me to do..to help, to try to make a difference, to be a good example for others.  

Others don't understand why I do what I do.  They don't understand because they don't take the time to understand and to be around long enough either.  Instead they point fingers and try to make me look like a bad person because they don't take time to try.  My #1 focus is my girls and my husband..I take my vows very seriously and on our wedding day, we left our parents and created our new lives together.  That does NOT mean that we don't love our families, it means that we create our own family, within the walls of our own home.  Sorry to ramble...my brain hurts and so many emotions flowing...just try your best in life to be there, to offer help, to pray for others, to try and understand others actions and words, to create new memories, to forgive, to not hold grudges and to love..unconditionally because life is just too short!

Happy Tuesday!

As I write this, BOTH girls are taking a nap and Christopher is at work . . the house is quiet, almost too quiet and I have caught up on tons of emails and texts.  Some days I miss adult life, working outside of the home, conversations with anyone older than 3 1/2 but I wouldn't trade this job for NOTHIN!  Time is flying by so fast and it makes me so very thankful that I am able to soak up this time with the girls.  Are there days where I feel like I may go crazy?  ABSOLUTELY!  Christopher is kind enough to let me get out of the house for meetings, shopping and Mommy time.  Sometimes it takes me HOURS to run a few errands that normally wouldn't take that long but he and I both know that I take that time to breathe, to keep my brain clear!  I always wanted to be a stay at home Mommy and he has allowed my dreams to continue coming true.  Do we wish we had more money in the bank?  YA...but nothing will replace this time with the girls.  I wish that more people would stop and see what is growing up right in front of them.  Working too much to pay bills that aren't needed.  Dropping off the kids a little to much to babysitters/family/friends to go party!    Missing out on family time and making memories!  For what?  

 

That's all folks!

 

If you had to stop and reread what I wrote or it made your heart stop . . maybe I am speaking to you!  Think about it! 

Sometimes it's hard to remember!

Some things in life are hard for me to remember.  Does it seem like 5 years ago we were married?  Does it seem like 3 years ago he came home from Iraq?  Does it seem possible that I have 2 children?  Some of those things I have to break out my journal or pictures to remember specifics about things.  I keep calendars from previous years because I don't want to forget things.  So today . . . this is what I remember!

 

Christopher's last ultrasound appointment he attended before leaving on his extended "vacation"

Our last minute maternity photo's before he left!

The hardest day of my life!

1st day home with Isabell!

Wrapping her in Daddy's uniform!

Waiting and waiting and WAITING as he was almost the last one to get off the bus!

Wrapping my arms around the love of my life!

Introducing them face to face for the first time!

Watching him fall deeper in love with someone who he had never met!

A bond that will NEVER be broken!

Kisses from Daddy

Our amazing support system

Meeting the famous Ladybug

Our first family photo

Finally home

First bath

Being silly

Watching them cuddle melted my heart

 

and here we are . . . 3 years later!

 

3 years ago my life changed in ways that are still hard for me to explain.  The man that my heart ached for, the man that created life with me, the man that loved me unconditionally was coming home from Iraq and mentally, I was not ready.  I didn't prepare myself mentally to share my daughter.  I was the one that made it work.  I was the one that knew what her cries meant.  I was the one that fed her and knew how she slept.  I had to teach someone AND share her?  NO WAY!  I should have prepared, I should have let others help when they offered but I was afraid to miss something.  I was responsible for everything and to just let this man who I thought knew nothing come home and make a mess of our lives was life changing for me.  Was I selfish?  ABSOLUTELY!  I was doing this for months and of course I knew best!  It took a lot of tears, a lot of sleepless nights and medication before I was ok.  In my eyes, the man I was sleeping next to was a stranger and I was scared to death.  Did he come home a changed man?  Of course!  He came home to a hormonal wife, new baby, rearranged house and new job. We had to play catch up and communicate.  He had NO idea what I was experiencing for the first few months because I put on that cape and was strong for him, for us!  That was MY job!  I was broken and it was NOT ok.  I had to fix myself before my marriage fell apart because I was being heartless among many other things. 

 

Here we are 3 years later, 2 babies, 1 dog and a medication free Mamma!  It's ok to be broken.  I have been there. 

 

Don't blink!

I am trying . . .

I have ALWAYS tried to be that supportive wife but lately I have been having a hard time with that!  Decisions have to be made for our future . . for our family and as hard as some of the decisions are, all I can do is pray and be supportive of my husbands decisions for US!  It took a LOT of tears and questions but I get it (kinda) that he will do anything and everything for our family and that makes me fall in love with him even more.  A true relationship is based on trust and I am so very thankful for that and for him.  I may not be the best at showing him or telling him how much I love him but I am making more of an effort.  Clean clothes and a clean house means I am doing my job but in a man's eyes, some need more!

I will try HARDER!

After 4 years . . .

This past May marked 4 years of marriage for us and what a great 4 years it has been!  We have had our share of heartache, and sometimes life isn't always perfect but day after day he continues to love me.  He loves me when I don't have time to shower during the day, he loves me when I burn his dinner, he loves me when he gets home and we are all in our jammies (still) he loves me when the house isn't spotless, he loves me when I am moody . . . HE CONTINUES TO LOVE ME!  After all this time . . . he still gives me butterflies, he still knows how to knock me off my feet and he STILL fills my heart with love!

I may not say it enough but I still have a crush on this man and I love him heart and soul!

Been a tough few days/weeks!

Sorry for the lack of posting/updates but I have had a hard few days weeks!  Life changes quickly when your baby decides that she doesn't need to sleep all night long anymore!  I guess we just got spoiled when she started sleeping all night long at just a few weeks old.  I am not sure if it is teething or a growth spurt or just a combination of both but she has decided that she will wake every 3 to 4 hours and if you know me at all . . . you know that Mamma needs sleep like a human needs air!  We are getting back on track since she started eating some fruit, veges and a little meat too AND we found that she loves to sleep on her tummy!  I have a TON of pictures to post and will get to that as soon as I get this house cleaned and babies fed.  I hope life is amazing!  Sorry if I was complaining but really, I was just stating the facts ;-)

MY LOVES!

I have been blessed!

When life gets too hard to stand . . kneel!

Sorry for not keeping my blog updated like I should, it has been pretty crazy around here.  I have had to get myself in check!

I experienced postpartum depression after having Isabell and it took me awhile to realize what was going on, so not only was I a little worried after having Emma, I also knew to be careful and watch myself!  My lack of emotion was my first clue to check myself!  I was making excuses for others because I just couldn't understand things like why would they not want to come see our new baby?  Why would they not call or send an email?  Why do some not have time for us, for our kids?  I am over it because I can't change ANYONE but I do know that I will NOT have any regrets, especially with my family! 

My Grandfather passed away and we knew it was only a matter of time but that didn't make it easier, you can never prepare for something like that!  I didn't rush home to say goodbye one last time because I had my chance to spend time with him when he knew I was there.  He knew I loved him and I knew he loved me too!  NO REGRETS!  I continued to make excuses for others in that situation too . . why were they not there for our family?  Why couldn' they take time to pick up the phone and call my Parents and Grandmother?  Why weren't they there when they had the chance?  I don't know and since I am not wonderwoman, I will stop trying to figure things out!

I had a baby 7 weeks ago!  Someone who my heart ached for, someone I had prayed for and when she arrived, I was busy making sure my house was clean?  WHAT?  Now you will have to excuse the dishes in the sink and dust on the floor because time is precious!  If you don't like it, feel free to pick up a broom and wash some dishes!!

My husband is AMAZING and I forgot about him for awhile.  He was doing everything in his power to keep his mouth shut and not say anything because he knew I was on edge but when I started to notice the hurt in his eyes, I knew I had to do something before I ruined everything!

I had to stop myself, dead in my tracks and do what I was taught from a very young age PRAY!  I asked God to heal my heart, to forgive, to let go of grudes, to realize that I am not perfect and never will be and to show me how to love what he has given me! 

Please be patient with me, God isn't finished working yet!

A view through Daddy's eyes . . . a story through Mommy's!

Monday (September 5th) I probably slept for about 1 hour all night long and woke up EARLY on Tuesday (September 6th) not feeling the greatest.  Having more and more contractions but nothing that would send me off to the hospital, not yet anyways.  Christopher woke up at 3:30 am for work and asked if I wanted him to stay home and I told him to go to work but keep his phone close!  Once he pulled out the driveway, I knew I probably should have just told him to stay here with me because I thought my water had broken (I didn't even know it did with Isabell).  I don't know what time it was but I text him and told him he should probably head this way sooner than later then called the neighbor to have her come down to be here when Isabell woke up so she wouldn't be scared and wonder what was going on.  Once Chris got home, we packed up a quick bag for Isabell and Miss Nichole and Allison were here playing cars and reading books bright and early.  We headed downtown Detroit, taking our time due to rush hour traffic but not driving slow because the contractions were picking up by now.  When we arrived at the hospital they checked to see if in fact my water did break . . IT DID NOT!  I was dilated and having contractions so they admitted me.  When we got into our room we went for a walk and then I got into the shower for what seemed like hours and that felt wonderful. 

I took a nap and had to figure out what positions felt best to comfortably control the contractions I was experiencing.  Dozing in and out and munching on ice chips while listening to my "labor" play list on my ipod (I love music so it kept me pretty calm)

 

At times, all I could do is smile and YES it was forced!  The socks were a "MUST HAVE" on my packing list because during the labor process with Isabell I felt like I was sweating from head to toe and my legs were hard to hold on to, plus I had to make my own fashion statement at the hospital! 

The ultrasound tech came in and remeasured the baby to make sure she was in position still and told us that we were looking at a big baby, we already knew that and it didn't scare me.  Isabell was 8 lbs 2 oz so I knew my body was able to do what it needed to do but they thought this time, she was going to be a tad larger!

 

Our friend/photographer called and was already downtown Detroit taking some engagement photo's so he decided he was going to stop in and see how things were going.  Jim and Christopher chatted and we watched the Tigers game.  My nurse told me that she thought it was going to be around 2 am before I deliver so we told Jim that he didn't have to stick around because at that time it was about 8:30 pm.  I only had a few hours to hold off so the girls would share the same birthday and that was my plan until 9:10 pm!

MY WATER BROKE!

The on-call Doctor came in to see how I was progressing and I was almost there.  They told me to try to relax as much as possible and let them know if and when I started feeling pressure.  Christopher was pacing back and forth and Jim was looking over his camera and taking a few shots here and there.  A few minutes later, I felt different, lots of pressure and my body was acting like I needed to push . . already?  The Doctor came back in and checked me and called my OB (Dr. Aguin) and told her she should probably make her way in but not to drive under the speed limit, I was told to cross my legs because she would be there in 10 to 15 minutes.  I closed my eyes and started swaying back and forth while keeping my legs closed tight because I thought she was going to come before Dr. Aguin arrived.  It was VERY important to us to have her there since she delivered Isabell as a 3rd year resident and was my primary OB during this pregnancy and my comfort level with her was AMAZING!  I was bound and determined to keep her in there for as long as I could.  Next thing I know, she comes running in and my room began to fill with nurses, Doctors and students and I couldn't wait any longer. 

I started pushing . . 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - DEEP BREATH - AGAIN!

Christopher said I pushed 16 times in 18 minutes and out she came!  She was nice and pink, screaming and BEAUTIFUL!  It is hard to put into words how you feel at that exact moment.  I was overcome with joy and happiness and the room was filled with tears, she was here! 

Dr. Aguin was AMAZING, the rest of the staff was AMAZING, Christopher was AMAZING, our birth experience was AMAZING and I felt AMAZING!

 

 

We weren't overwhelmed with visitors, we had quality time to spend just the 3 of us, getting to know each other and having lots of snuggle time. 

 

I was emotional being away from Isabell for her 2nd birthday but she really didn't have a clue what was going on that specific day so we made plans to celebrate when we got home.  I had no need to stay in the hospital this time so when we were given the all clear, we had to wait for Emma to have a few tests then we wanted to pack up and head home!  We continued to receive the best care at the hospital.  My nurses weren't in our room every 10 minutes, they let us enjoy our time and if I needed anything, all I had to do is push a button!  We were placed into a suite that was located at the end of the hallway so didn't have a million people passing by, it was nice and quiet! 

LET'S GO HOME!

 

We want to thank you all for your love, support and prayers!  Our friends and family have been there for us and to say "THANK YOU" just doesn't seem like enough.  We are home, as a family of 4 and life is good . . . GOD IS GOOD!