This morning was full of questions from Isabell asking "why did you have meetings for so long Mommy", "how come we couldn't be with you and Daddy" and the list goes on and on. I explained that a man was very naughty and hurt Uncle Pat and she knew the naughty man was in jail! She asked if we were at the hospital to fix Pat and I told her that we were for a little bit but that Jesus needed to have Pat in heaven to work there! She looked at me very confused and then she walked away! A few minutes later I find her in the sunroom looking at pictures on my phone. My heart stopped for a moment as I knew there were many on there from our "meetings" the last few days and knew the questions were only beginning at this point. We talked for about an hour, just her and I and I tried my best to be honest with her and real but reminding myself that she is almost 4 so I was a little scared. I cried and she started crying and asked of she could call Daddy. I got him on the phone and she told me she needs privacy (something that usually only occurs while in the bathroom) so I gave her the space she requested but still listened! She was crying so hard he could barely understand her and I dropped to my knees as she asked "you aren't going to go in a box and work in heaven are you Daddy?"
They talked for awhile longer and she handed me the phone and walked away! I didn't even know what to say to Chris but could hear it in his voice and he could hear in mine our heartache. We have to explain things carefully while at this same time I am thinking about Jenny and what she has to explain as I hear her day after day, hour after hour answering questions without even having to stop and think!
This entire tragedy has changed my life in so many ways! I have met some amazing people and I know even my life will never be the same! God has given me strength to do what is asked of me and at the end of the day, I thank him for his love and grace!
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